Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
