So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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