Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
