Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
