Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
