I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
