my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
