also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
