tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have post one night stand depression
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