I looked at my own cervix.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
