the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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