paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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