remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
