i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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