She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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