my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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