I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
