it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
