how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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