found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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