shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
