you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
