he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
