$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
