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I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
