The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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