can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
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He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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