don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
