these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's always time for handjobs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
