..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
