He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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