We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
