i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
