Sponge bath it is.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
