I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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