Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
