I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize