drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
