it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
