i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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