Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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