I'm pants shitting drunk right now
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
