you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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