i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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