after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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