wakey wakey hands off snakey
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
