Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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