I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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