Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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