I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
