i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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