Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
