I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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