She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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