He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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