I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
