dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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